The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

The "Un" Real Texas By Steve Bussiere, humorist

---

I sent an e card to my far away sweetie to tell her I miss her today.

She replied, from far, far away that she misses me too.

Unfortunately, there isn't a thing either of us can do about it for now, which is a bummer. I think it's a Valentine's Day depression thing.

Walk through the stores and all you see right now are flowers and love messages on balloons that you know are struggling to free themselves from the hold gravity has on them.

Valentine's Day, for me, always brings forth a flood of emotions. I hate this sensitive new millennium kind of guy stuff, it'll hurt you if you let it. I know because I checked it out…. all by myself.

Heck, once upon a time I was married, for too long, in the ex's opinion. She's a really nice girl, a wonderful mother and, currently, a free spirit.

I still think of her on Valentine's Day. It's a very special day for her, …now.

That's when the memories come floating back into my life.

I miss her on Valentine's Day, partly because she's not around, but mostly because of all the friends I have gotten to know because of her, over the years.

Well, I didn't really get to know them, but I talked to them, and said prayers for them.

I think you really ought to at least say a prayer for people, when you're in the cemetery, getting flowers for your Valentine.

So much love in this world.

It was a bit of a pain at first, getting the black ribbons off them, but over the years you learn tricks which simplify the job.

I know you probably must think that's terrible, but hey, the flowers were just gonna die, unloved and unappreciated, if they were left to fend for themselves in the great outdoors. So I thought that I was doing them a favor by keeping them in a better place, and letting them know they were loved and appreciated, before their inevitable demise.

There were at least five other, sensitive, caring guys doing the same thing, so I know it was the right thing to do.

It was our very own version of "botanical recycling." And recycling is all the rage these days, so we preferred to think of ourselves more as pioneers than pilferers.

After picking out an appropriate floral bouquet, I would head for the dollar store to choose a glass vase for them.

Everyone needs a home, and flowers are no different.

I chose a glass vase, because glass is the easiest thing in the world to recycle, although, for some reason unbeknownst to me, they won't take glass in my recycling bin.

You have to burn greenhouse gasses and drive the glass to the recycling station to save the planet these days.

And people want to know why I'm confused!

Well, I don't get to do that anymore, so it's just another family tradition shot to heck I guess.

I can only hope that someone else is able to pick up the slack, now that I've been yanked out of the game.

And should that certain, special someone happen to be you, please remember to say the prayers, as you are browsing. It's a major ingredient in making Valentine's Day a truly spiritual event for both you and your sweetheart.

But for myself, this year, Cupid's Arrow has been replaced, by a poison dart to the heart.

So to all of you flowers in the cemetery, I just want y'all to know that I won't be able to provide you with assisted living this year.

But I love you just the same.

Hold your petals proud. Stand tall. For there is someone out there, somewhere, who wants to love you, the way you deserve to be loved.

It just ain't allowed to be me this year.

But be certain that you'll be in my thoughts.

Happy Valentine's Day!