The "Un" Real Texas By Steve Bussiere, humorist
"As Long As There Are Exams, There Will Always Be Prayer In Schools" Message on a bumper sticker I've seen.
I read an article in the Houston Chronicle about a school cafeteria worker who was cleaning trays after the lunch period on Ash Wednesday. When she finished scrubbing the last one, she held the tray up after the rinsing it and saw, what the Chronicle called "a stain that resembled an image of the Virgin Mary."
Now I don't believe that I would have used the word "stain", myself.
Heck, I have enough problems in my life with the folks I can see. I'm not going to look for trouble any further than that. I am by nature, a cautious person, and that, I figure, has kept me alive so far. I think I learned that lesson by watching "The Wizard Of Oz," nine gazillion times. If you're looking for something, never look any further than your own back yard.
Apparently somebody in the school decided that they had better get the tray out
of the building, which I suppose, shouldn't have come as a surprise. So they sent the stained tray home with the lady who made the discovery, and she has built a Shrine in her yard.
As I mentioned earlier, I am by nature, a cautious person and due to that fact, I wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.
I have an old friend who is a self described "agnostic." Being inquisitive as well as cautious, I looked the word up in the dictionary. I was relatively certain I knew what that meant, but I was looking for confirmation that I was correct. You can never be too well educated, or so I am told.
What I discovered is that basically, an agnostic is someone who can't make a clear decision about the existence, (or non existence), of God. More or less an atheist, who is leaning toward the side of caution. So as a result of my self-education, talk of God entered my learning institution.
I guess if you're one of those agnostic type people, it's smarter not to bet either way, … just in case!
Then I started thinking again and came to the realization that if I'm a cautious individual, perhaps I'm one of those agnostic types.
Well that thought scared the hell out of me, so I made a personal decision not to be one of them.
Too risky! Since I'm a cautious guy, it goes against my nature to take that kind of a risk. Which led me right back to the "agnostic" issue. Kind of like the "itch scratch cycle" of spirituality.
So I made another decision, … I decided to stop thinking.
That's when I came to the further realization that maybe I could become a politician.
But if I became a politician, I would have to be careful not to step on any toes.
Being a politician is similar to being a matador. One false move and your career is toast. Side step the issues to save your life, with grace and dignity. If you're going to enter politics, it is imperative that you err on the side of caution. Apparently it's an unwritten rule.
And that gave birth to a further insight!
I believe that there may be some kind of connection between being an agnostic and being a politician. So continuing to be a cautious guy, I decided not to be a politician.
I like to think of that decision as a public service, and I believe that a person should always do what is in the best interests of their country.
That's when I realized, that if I made a decision on what's in the best interests of my country, there is no way on God's green earth that I would last as a politician.
So I decided to stop thinking again, almost.
That is when I realized, that if I stopped thinking, I might become a politician by default.
And if I became a politician by default, I might become an agnostic by default as well.
Or vice versa. Why is it that politics always seems to lead to vice?
Hey!!!! Maybe one day I could become Vice-President!!! ……. Or not!
Fear not loyal readers for you are protected by the Constitution! I checked it out and, in case of the removal of The President from office due to his death, resignation or by any other means, he would be replaced by The Vice-President.
But to be the President you have to have been born here or be a citizen, so everyone can relax now. The architects of the Constitution, in their visionary foresight, saved all of us, from me, in one fell swoop.
But that still doesn't address the agnostic issue in front of me.
So I think I've figured out the answer to my dilemma.
A firm decision must be made. But firm decisions are based on one, very important characteristic.
Courage!!!!!!!
Which I'll absolutely need, so I don't become an agnostic or a politician.
I'd go ask the Wizard for it, … but everyone KNOWS, he doesn't really exist!
So I think I'm going to go to that Shrine and pray for it.
I'm afraid not to.
Which makes me wonder if maybe I should be running a school board or something.
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