By Steve Bussiere
The older I get, the more quickly things happen. Well, most things anyway.
I was checking my calendar the other day and I realized the annual St. Valentines Day love fest is fast approaching. Someday I'll look back and discover where January disappeared. Not a bad thing, I hate January. Football is nearly gone for another year.
I have never been a fan of round ball, likely because I can't jump. Or shoot straight. Or run anymore. I have a maximum attention span of about three nanoseconds for watching the NBA.
I actually prefer Valentines Day to watching basketball.
That was when I remembered about the glass being half full this year. So I ventured out to Papa's to find Bob, Andy, Rick and One draft Phil. An island of sanity, in this otherwise, turbulent world we live in.
Much to my dismay, not one of them was there when I arrived. So I did something foolish and started thinking. You shouldn't do things like that when you are by yourself. If you aren't crazy to begin with, you'll quickly end up there.
There are times in my life when I wish I could listen to my own advice. Such as right then, when I started thinking.
I began to think of my old sweetie, and how she would disapprove of my having a good time with my buddies. It's a standard female characteristic from all of the feedback I have received from the other fun loving lunatics in my life. So I put the brakes on those thoughts, narrowly escaping a dreaded act of self-conscience.
Whew!!! That was so close, it frightened me.
But I was still faced with the Valentines Day thing, when the tres loco amigos came in through different doors. Guardian Angels come in strange shapes and sizes these days. But hey, never look a gifted Guardian Angel in the mouth. So I picked up my beer and wandered over to The Square Table, to join the late arrivals.
"What's happening Steve?" Rick asked.
"I was just thinking. I hate thinking. It's a good thing you all came in to save me from myself."
"What, pray tell, were you thinking about?" Bob wanted to know.
"I was thinking about the glass being half full."
"It's not half full Steve. It's completely full."
"It's tough enough to get to the half full point. Don't go getting too optimistic on me."
Bob looked at me, dumbfounded. "I just got here. I haven't even taken a sip yet. It's completely full." He shook his head and took a sip.
"I meant, attitude Bob. The glass is half full this year. Remember?"
"OHHHH! Now I'm with you. So enlighten us."
"Well, I was at the store and they have all kinds of Valentines Day stuff, all over the place. And that got me thinking about my sweetie, who is not my sweetie any longer. Jeez, it's almost Valentine's Day, and I have no one special in my life. I mean, I'm not even a lousy Insignificant Other any more."
"Man, that sounds depressing Steve. "
"That's what I thought too, Rick. But then I realized, I don't have to buy anything for anyone this year. Not even a card! It's a good thing. Think of all of the money I'm saving!"
"Now that's the attitude Steve. See the glass is on it's way to being half full, already." Said One Draft Phil.
"Yeah, you're right Phil. And furthermore it's good for the entire eco system as well, which is a good thing for the global warming problem."
That was the very first time I have ever heard complete silence from the three of them when they have been together. They all looked at me and shook their heads in united disbelief.
"I'm serious guys. Look no trees are going to be murdered because I needed to get a ridiculous card which, will end up in the trash and then on to land fill. And not one flower on the planet is in life threatening danger because of my selfish, lustful ways. No cows are going to be stripped of their milk to make stupid chocolates for some woman who'll end up breaking my heart anyway. And not a single steer will be led to slaughter in order that I provide a fine steak dinner for her either. And it saves the latex supply as well. So, it's all good!"
Andy worries about me.
Bob worries about me too.
Rick worries about me.
One draft Phil, thinks he worries about me, sometimes.
And Alton worries about me as well, but he does it from a respectable distance most of the time.
"So what's the problem if it's all good Steve?" Rick wanted to know.
"Well, the economy is going to get into a recession if everyone were as wise and fortunate as I am."
"None of that stuff is made in America any more Steve."
"I know Andy, but it's the whole global economy that's at risk now. Not just one geographic location, but the entire world's economic health and welfare. I mean, if I tell too many people about this, they would see how right I am, and whole world's economy would collapse like a house of cards. It's a giant responsibility, knowing that you hold the key to the world's economic health inside of your mind."
"Yeah, I understand completely Steve. You're under an incredible amount of pressure."
"You know it Andy. But the great ones thrive under pressure. I guess it's my cross to bear for a couple of weeks. So I bear it willingly for the benefit of all mankind."
"We're proud to know you Steve!"
"So what are you guys doing for Valentine's Day?" I asked.
"Dinner and a movie." Bob replied. "I have cable now."
"Very nice idea Bob."
Andy looked over at me. "Well I've always had cable, and I don't like trees because they litter my yard every autumn. So I'm going to get my wife a beautiful card, some crawfish and we'll enjoy Judge Judy together by the fireplace."
"Different, Andy. Shows originality. I'm sure she'll love it!"
"Doesn't matter Steve. That's what she's getting." He replied with a smile.
I looked over to where One Draft Phil was sitting, only to discover he had evaporated again, leaving only a lone empty draft glass in his spot.
"Where did Phil go?" I asked.
"We don't know. He just vanished again."
Rick stood up from his seat. "Well I have to vanish too. But I'm certainly glad you brought up the Valentine's Day thing Steve. I think I'll go to the store and pick up a gift for my wife."
"That's really sweet of you Rick. She's a lucky lady." I said.
"Well it's sort of a gift for me too." Rick replied.
He turned and was walking toward the door, when he suddenly stopped.
"Hey, do any of you guys remember the name of that bug spray Heather had on last year?"
"No, but I think it was something like Eau De Shoo Fly, or something. They have it at the fragrance counter at Academy I think."
"Great. Thanks!" he smiled and turned toward the door.
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