Decorate My Life - Time On My Hands

By Steve Bussiere

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In my so called life, I have been involved in more ridiculous conversations than I dare to even begin to recall. But I believe I may have hit the penultimate one just last week.

The square table, with my buddies, is a safe haven, but at times I get reckless and begin to roam. Not a bad thing, normally. One must expand one's horizons from time to time, while in search of world peace, or at the very least, a modicum of sanity.

That was my mistake. I shall try to learn from it and hold it in my heart in the future.

Being an explorer is an exciting thing, because you are never quite certain when you are about to fall off the edge of the earth. So, like a fool, I pushed it.

"Clark's Corner", "Dusty Cox proprietor". The edge of the earth. Or at least as close as this boy will ever get to it.

If you have grammar check on your computer, try typing in what I just did. Scary stuff dear readers. Jeez, it did the green line again.

Let me see now, where was I before we got side tracked? Oh. Yes, Clark's corner. Where the girls are, …occasionally.

Well, upon my arrival in that sacred ground, who should I come across but Clark! And Alton! And Pete. And Rich. And a bunch of other single guys with seemingly no purpose in life other than to laugh.

We began chatting, and somehow the conversation turned to home decorating. It was likely started by one of the occasional girls that drop by to make sure we took our vitamins in the morning. They are all so maternal and caring and they know that we are useless Troggledites who deserve to live alone.

One of these caring young ladies spoke up. "So what is your theory on decorating Clark?"

"Decorting what?" Clark asked.

Clark is one sharp cookie and is not one to jump into a commitment without knowing the ramifications of his actions.

"Your home, what else would I be talking about?"

"Well, I don't know, you may have a bakery or something along those lines."

"Answer the question Clark. I'm curious." She continued.

Clark is not one to dive into anything before giving it a lot of thought.

There was a pregnant pause, before he replied.

"My credo has always been, always be sure that your carpet color matches the color of the adult beverage of your choice. And after that, do all of the rest of the decorating to match the carpet color."

I was astounded!!!

That was, upon reflection, probably the most sage decorating theory I have ever heard in my adult, or any other kind of life!.

I always knew that Clark held genius inside of him, but now, at long last he was sharing.

Sharing is a chick thing, and we were talking about chick stuff, so I guess he was caught up in the spirit of it all or something. Then she looked over at Rich. "Well what about you Rich? What is your perspective?"

"Oh, well I just find a girl to do it, and if it's screwed up, it's her fault, not mine."

Now I was in awe. Here I stood at Clark's corner, right in the Mensa neighborhood! These guys were brilliant!!!! I mean, who would have suspected.

Pete was next in the barrel. "What about you Pete?"

"I don't decorate." He responded. "I get buddy passes and fly women down here and I let them have a free rein. Then I just buy them dinner and a return pass back home."

So much wisdom!!!!

Such a little corner!!!!

I looked at the young lady, trying to be as inconspicuous a possible, and watched as she wrote down her notes.

"Alton." She said, "What about you?"

Alton just smiled. Alton always just smiles. Alton is the head Mensa guy.

His pause was even more pregnant than Clark's had been.

Of course Alton is a touch older than Clark, and all of the rest of us, and longevity breeds patience. So he was patiently, pregnant pausing, for a very long time.

"Maryilynn of course."

She looked up from her notebook. "Marilynn? She asked quizzically.

"Yeah," he replied "I decorate my place with pictures of Marilynn Monroe. Everybody knows that!"

"Why on earth would you do that?" she wondered aloud.

"Cause the guys all come over and after they see her, they don't notice anything else."

I had never realized that people I knew had put so much effort into decorating. It was a real epiphany.

"The Epiphany of Clark's Corner".

A sacred moment in my life!

I stood there, completely dumbfounded.

Well, at least until she turned to me.

"Steve?"

"Present." I answered,

"How about you? What's your spin on decorating? You know, you're swinging batchelor place."

"Sugar Plum Fairies!!" I thought to myself.

"Well," I had hesitated, trying to regroup myself, " I did my place in Early Depression."

"What the heck is Early Depression? " she wanted to know.

"Well. Basically, I have what I need to survive in there, not what some chick wants me to have."

"Really! How's it working?" she asked.

"Pretty well." I replied.

"How?" she wanted to know.

"Well, I get home, have a beer and if it's too ugly, …. I just take an anti depressant."

She just shook her head and walked away from the corner,

I can't figure out what I said wrong.