By Steve Bussiere
Once every four years, I know exactly how those UN War Zone Observers are feeling. And this just happens to be one of those years.
Primaries, leading to fatality, or ecstasy, depending upon what corner you happen to be standing in. Andy, Bob, Phil and I were watching CNN the other day. Full coverage of the Primaries! Exciting stuff! The stuff that dreams are made of, if you happen to have that type of dream pattern.
"Who are you going to vote for Steve?" they wondered aloud.
"Nobody." I replied.
"Why in the world aren't you going to vote? It's your civic duty."
"Well, for one thing, I don't have my citizenship yet."
"That doesn't stop other people from doing it Steve."
"When are you going to get your citizenship? I thought you were working on it?" asked Bob.
"I'm watching the calendar closely guys. And I'm watching these primaries closely as well."
"I understand the primaries thing, but why the calendar?"
"Because, I don't want to be responsible, for a change."
"Responsible for what Steve?"
"For the next four years. I'm doing a very careful study of the entire system, the options and the fallout. I have to tell you, I'm not really ecstatic about what I'm seeing. And I'm studying for the exam. There's a long wait to get your citizenship, but I don't want to get it until after November."
"Ok Steve." Said Andy, "But if you had a vote today, who'd be your choice?"
I had to reply that I really didn't know, which was a relief.
I sat there, smugly thinking to myself that I was off the hook.
"Well, why don't you know?" they continued.
"I've been watching everything as an interested observer. I read the paper every day. I watch the reports on television. I read opinions on the Internet. And I listen to the radio as well."
"Whom do you listen to on the radio?"
"Well, lately I've been following that Rush Lim-Bah-Humbug fellow. You know the EIBS Network. You know, the Excellence In B.S. entity. He's very astute. He says so every day! But, even he doesn't like the choices, and he knows everything."
"I got an e mail a while ago with a picture of a bumper sticker on a car in Kentucky. It said, "Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife for President." I thought that was rather humorous, but told the truth about the options in a nutshell. I think all of this stuff is making me jaded."
"Well Bill was rather excited about his wife's chances."
"Yeah, but I figured all of that out. He heard it was an election year, but he's hard of hearing. He thought it was an erection year, and if his wife was to win, he'd have another shot at the Ova Office."
"Well she says she's better qualified than her opponent. She's done a lot."
"Yeah, I heard she's going to clean up The White House."
"I heard she did that for eight years, so I guess she is qualified. But then there was those Staff Infections that were happening. It'll be a huge job! Especially, if you're doing all that, as well as trying to clean up the rest of the world. You'd need a broom the size of a 747!"
"I hear she has one of those lined up. Air Force One!"
"Well then Steve, if you were a citizen, which party would you be affiliated with right now?"
"Neither. At the moment I'm still learning."
"I'm sure that that's a relief to both of them. But since you're studying for the exam, if you could pick anyone in America to lead the nation, who would you pick?"
"That's a tricky question. I would have said Groucho Marx, but then I'd be accused of being a Marxist. Not a good handle to have. But probably I'd say Will Rogers."
"He's dead Steve."
"I know. It's a shame, really. I think we need another person like him. Not a dead person, but a sensible one. The return of sensible times. In his day a lobbyist was someone who hung around in hotels, and they didn't let them run the country back in those days. They didn't even let them run the elevator."
"You're right Steve. I guess maybe people were a lot smarter back then!"
"Probably. They thought for themselves because they weren't bombarded with CNN or EIBS."
"Anyway, this is getting kind of old. What do you say we talk about religion now?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment